To the top of the mountain or bottom of the ocean

2016 has been an adventure to say the least. What I’ve learned and my experience for 2016 is that the places where I have the biggest challenges in my life become the places where I have the most to give if I do my inner work.

I was on the plane the other day, one of the last few days of 2016, and watching the world go by beneath me, and knowing almost very clearly, like a slow motion cognitive moment of what 2017 is going to entail, and I had to shed some tears, although I did not burst into them. It was a surreal moment- I was on the plane seat, and very much living in the moment, living in the now. Well, all the self help books of 2016, if I had a dollar for all the books that were sent along my way, I could buy a villa now. I could read the books and intellectualise it, but the truth is, I sit there and go. how do I do that. And I get frustrated cos I am not there yet. And then here I am on my plane seat one night, it wasn’t myself on a meditation mat overlooking a beautiful rice plantation, in fact I was on a budget airline plane seat, the plane was taking off, and I go, okay, I get it. All the self help books, maybe they are all kinda collected in my brain, somewhere in the memory. I too only believe that I call things into my life, and things happen when they should when I am ready for it. So yes, on by the plane window, yes I get it. Yes I am ok.

I get that I will love myself for richer or for poor. I will love myself right where I am. I won’t say to myself, “When I get that much more toned physically, or when I score that touch try, or i get that pay rise, then I will love you.” And I don’t say to myself, “If I hadn’t dated that loser, I would love myself more, but since I did, I am sorry, I think it’s over.” In fact, I will love myself exactly where I am, and it is the only way to get where I am gong. And I will love myself for better or for worse too. I’m talking about you know, the big life disappointments. Maybe i don’t own a home yet, maybe I didn’t get the career I wanted, maybe I didn’t get the relationship i wanted. Maybe I was too polarising and I lost people along the way. Maybe it hasn’t turned out — maybe I fight with my mum, maybe I watch too much reality TV, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter anymore. Because when I love myself, I agree to stay with me no matter what. I love myself and forgive myself for my mistakes. Mistakes are the greatest opportunities. And if anyone is going to make fun of them, I will not go down because of that. And if I say, “So what?!” in their face, they are powerless. They have no power over my mistakes. Yes I messed up, tomorrow will be another day and next year will be another year. “It is my mistake, not yours. You have your own.” A mistake isn’t actually a failure unless i don’t learn from it and unless I don’t grow.

There is a saying, “You ask for patience, and what you get is a line at the bank.”

What that means is that life does not give me what I always asked for, it gives me the people, places, and situations that allow me to develop what I ask for.

And the thing is if I don’t get it right the first time, life will give it to me again. Because life is very generous that way. So I will rock and roll with what life is going to give to me this year.

The way I see it is like I will for the year 2017, take myself to the top of a mountain, or maybe to the bottom of the ocean, and I get down on one knee, and I say, “I’ll never leave you.” The one person I really wanted to be with all along: myself. I will be a rockstar gangster this year. Only if I am myself, then can I be a better friend, daughter, granddaughter, colleague, teammate, lover, etc. Going to be a rockstar!

#rockstar #2017

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