2016 has been an adventure to say the least. What I’ve learned and my experience for 2016 is that the places where I have the biggest challenges in my life become the places where I have the most to give if I do my inner work.
I was on the plane the other day, one of the last few days of 2016, and watching the world go by beneath me, and knowing almost very clearly, like a slow motion cognitive m…oment of what 2017 is going to entail, and I had to shed some tears, although I did not burst into them. It was a surreal moment- I was on the plane seat, and very much living in the moment, living in the now. Well, all the self help books of 2016, if I had a dollar for all the books that were sent along my way, I could buy a villa now. I could read the books and intellectualise it, but the truth is, I sit there and go. how do I do that. And I get frustrated cos I am not there yet. And then here I am on my plane seat one night, it wasn’t myself on a meditation mat overlooking a beautiful rice plantation, in fact I was on a budget airline plane seat, the plane was taking off, and I go, okay, I get it. All the self help books, maybe they are all kinda collected in my brain, somewhere in the memory. I too only believe that I call things into my life, and things happen when they should when I am ready for it. So yes, on by the plane window, yes I get it. Yes I am ok.
I get that I will love myself for richer or for poor. I will love myself right where I am. I won’t say to myself, “When I get that much more toned physically, or when I score that touch try, or i get that pay rise, then I will love you.” And I don’t say to myself, “If I hadn’t dated that loser, I would love myself more, but since I did, I am sorry, I think it’s over.” In fact, I will love myself exactly where I am, and it is the only way to get where I am gong. And I will love myself for better or for worse too. I’m talking about you know, the big life disappointments. Maybe i don’t own a home yet, maybe I didn’t get the career I wanted, maybe I didn’t get the relationship i wanted. Maybe I was too polarising and I lost people along the way. Maybe it hasn’t turned out — maybe I fight with my mum, maybe I watch too much reality TV, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter anymore. Because when I love myself, I agree to stay with me no matter what. I love myself and forgive myself for my mistakes. Mistakes are the greatest opportunities. And if anyone is going to make fun of them, I will not go down because of that. And if I say, “So what?!” in their face, they are powerless. They have no power over my mistakes. Yes I messed up, tomorrow will be another day and next year will be another year. “It is my mistake, not yours. You have your own.” A mistake isn’t actually a failure unless i don’t learn from it and unless I don’t grow.
There is a saying, “You ask for patience, and what you get is a line at the bank.”
What that means is that life does not give me what I always asked for, it gives me the people, places, and situations that allow me to develop what I ask for.
And the thing is if I don’t get it right the first time, life will give it to me again. Because life is very generous that way. So I will rock and roll with what life is going to give to me this year.
The way I see it is like I will for the year 2017, take myself to the top of a mountain, or maybe to the bottom of the ocean, and I get down on one knee, and I say, “I’ll never leave you.” The one person I really wanted to be with all along: myself. I will be a rockstar gangster this year. Only if I am myself, then can I be a better friend, daughter, granddaughter, colleague, teammate, lover, etc. Going to be a rockstar!